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Back to Chat The Importance of Safe, Sane and Consensual

bdsmemblemThe BDSM lifestyle is a complex mix of often self-made rules and regulations between the Dominant and the submissive, but the cornerstone is based on the concept of Safe, Sane and Consensual. It’s just four words, but it sums up the important safety practices of the BDSM lifestyle.
The lifestyle is intense and each person has different levels and thresholds that they must keep to and Safe, Sane and Consensual makes sure that happens. There is no reason why you can’t push boundaries and forms of expression, but they must adhere to those four simple yet important words…

Safe

BDSM play often involves pain and torture. One person’s pain can be another person’s pleasure and that dichotomy is what makes BDSM such a thrilling lifestyle. It can range from simple spanking to full-on torture and humiliation. The safe aspect is designed to make sure people are doing these activities without risk of permanent injury or scarring.

For people who want to learn the safest ways of spanking, nipple torture and other forms of BDSM fun, there are online seminars on proper use of ropes and other devices and plenty of information from reputable sources as well. Make no mistake that the lifestyle can be dangerous. Improper use of rope, latex, whips, etc. can lead to injury and even death.

Safe goes beyond the actual acts themselves to sexual safety as well. Many sexually transmitted diseases can be prevented through safe practice and the use of condoms. This is especially true when sharing partners or using multiple partners. A slave can be degraded and punished, but they should not be left open to possible injury or disease.

Safe can also be used for respecting boundaries. A sub may be willing to be spanked and degraded, but draws the line at being tied up or latex. If they are adamant about that boundary, then the Dominant must respect it. It could mean the sub has an allergy to latex or nylon or possibly a phobia.

Sane

When most people think of sanity, they’re usually comparing it to crazy, but that’s not how it is in BDSM. Sane simply means making sure you realize the boundary between fantasy and reality. BDSM has a lot of role play both for the Dominant and the submissive. It’s easy to get caught up in the role and forget about the reality.

If the scene gets too engrossing and the Dominant begins to get too wrapped up in the fantasy, then it’s easy for things to get out of hand. A Dominant has control, but must heed the will and boundaries of the submissive. If reality is stripped away, then that restraint and respect can be eliminated.

The other aspect is realistic and sane expectations. For slaves and some subs, there are many rules from their Master that must be followed. It’s unrealistic to believe that they would be able to know and remember them all from the very start. Also, physical exertions which are near impossible to complete, such as marathon sessions of kneeling, could also be placed under sane.

Consensual

Perhaps the most important word in this phrase, is consensual. BDSM or any sexual activity should be done by two adults who consent to every aspect of play. While it may seem like torture and that the other person is not experiencing pleasure, they have consented to it and can stop it at any time.

Before beginning any BDSM activity, the Dominant should get a verbal yes or no from the submissive. If the submissive is unsure or doesn’t want to do it, then that activity should not be part of the experience. Also, if there is something submissive wants, but the Dominant is unwilling to provide, then it should dropped as well.

No one should be pressured into saying yes to anything. If that person does not want to do something, but is pressured or bullied, then it is no longer consensual.

There is a fine line between consensual sex or sexual acts between two adults and sexual assault. Forcing someone into something for BDSM is illegal and you can be prosecuted for it.

Safe, Sane and Consensual is the cornerstone of the BDSM lifestyle. It helps create the boundaries and expectations required for make the activities pleasurable for all parties. It cannot be stated enough that without this credo and what it means, the BDSM lifestyle and activates could easily degrade into abuse. It was created for the protection of all parties and is one of the reasons why BDSM has become an accepted and popular lifestyle.

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