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Back to Culture An Interview with Michael Makai

dsbookDomination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Mike Makai is a must read for anyone considering dipping their kinky toes into the lifestyle of BDSM. It’s also an interesting read for the old hats like me, I particularly found the ‘My Two Cents Worth’ at the end of each chapter entertaining and uniquely insightful. I’ll be recommending this book to the many people who are curious about the non-traditional relationships BDSM has to offer. It left no stone unturned and gave a relaxed, often humorous approach to topics that can otherwise seem daunting to most. I had the opportunity to ask the talented and knowledgeable author a few questions…

Your book was a fascinating, informative read. I learnt a lot from it, despite thinking of myself as something of an expert already! What made you decide to write this particular book?
Frankly, I lost a very high-paying job as a bank executive when a fellow employee Googled me one day and then took the links to my lifestyle activities to the CEO, who was a highly religious individual. Since I’ve always been one to turn lemons into a lemonade stand, I decided this was a sign from on-high that it was not only time to pursue a writing career in earnest, but to write about what I knew best, which was my kink lifestyle.

Describe your book in 3 words…
Ultimate Expression (of) Love… Which is how I like to describe submission.

Why should people buy it?
When I wrote this book, I decided it wasn’t going to be just another BDSM “how to” manual. I wasn’t going to tell people what to do. Instead, I decided I was going to explain to them who they were, why they feel the way they do, and how they can be happy being in a D/s relationship, doing the things that we do. I didn’t want this to be just another BDSM book. I wrote it to be THE go-to book for people in the lifestyle.

The best thing about being a bad ass Dominant is…
Wow. I really don’t know about the “bad ass” part, but the best part of being the kind of Dominant that I am (I classify myself as a White Knight Dominant) is the fact that I get many, many opportunities to make a real difference in people’s lives. I decided a long time ago that I would do whatever I could to ensure that whenever someone came into contact with me in any way, that they would come away from that encounter better off, somehow. I’m a problem-solver. I see solutions where most people can’t see anything but chaos or insurmountable obstacles. When someone fully submits to me, and puts her faith in my abilities, she becomes my responsibility, and I do whatever I can to help improve her life. I also have lots of opportunities to teach, mentor, guide and advise others in the lifestyle, and it’s a good feeling to know that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life.

And the worst…
You can’t save everyone, and not every problem has a solution. When people believe in you, and look to you for guidance even when there are no viable solutions, it’s an awful feeling.

When I think of BDSM I think of… how much of a shame it is that so many people in the world can’t see beyond their misconceptions, biases, and misapplied sense of morality to see this lifestyle for what it truly is.

What do you think people’s most common misconception of BDSM is?
It’s my belief that the most common misperception of BDSM, both in and outside of the lifestyle is the practice of confusing D/s (Domination/submission) – which is a relationship dynamic – with BDSM, which is an activity. D/s is who we are, how we feel, and where we find our ‘happy place” in our relationship dynamics. BDSM is what we do and how we do it. It’s very much analogous to the differences between love and sex. Sure, there’s a lot of overlap, as it should be, but that doesn’t make them the same thing.

How do you rate 50 Shades of Grey and the hype surrounding it?
The book – amateurish, unrealistic, and poorly written. The hype? Love it. Another fine example of turning lemons into a lemonade stand.

If you were going to a desert island for six months and could only take 3 items from your dungeon what would they be and why?
1. My cupping and dermabrasion play kits. Sure, they’re fun to play with, but having drinking cups, butane lighters, tiger balm, cotton swabs, and a big jug of 70% isopropyl alcohol would probably come in real handy on a desert island.
2. A quality leather flogger. Mainly because I love flogging, but also because those leather falls would make great leather ties for all sorts of things, if necessary.
3. A cute, sexy rope-bunny. Well, duh!

If you could choose anyone past or present to (willingly) punish, who would it be? To be honest, I’m not big on doling out punishments. In my world, good girls get spankings, and bad girls get sent to bed or ignored. I do love all sorts of bondage, including predicament bondage, as well as impact play, rope play, etc etc, but it’s never done as punishment. It’s always a special treat for my submissives.

How important do you regard the use of a safeword? For play partners who have never played or played infrequently together, I think a safeword is incredibly important. For groups at play parties and public dungeons, I think a safeword is incredibly important. For long-time partners who know each other’s capabilities and limits, know each other’s non-verbal communication, and know each other’s bodies, I think safewords are less important.

What’s next for you? I am about to release my next book, “The Warrior Princess Submissive,” which is technically volume three in the book series. Volume two of “Domination & Submission” comes out later in the fall. Yeah, I know. Usually, volume two comes out before volume three, but I got booked for some speaking engagements on the topic of the Warrior Submissive, and so it made sense to get this book out first. I also have a couple of really fun projects for 2014 in the works, which I can’t announce just yet, and at least three more books in 2015.

Five Quick Quirky Questions Just For Fun

What is your screensaver right now? Some sort of bubbles thing.

The last Movie I watched was… The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. By the way, I hate movies that leave you hanging til the next installment. If you do too, don’t go see The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug.

The last book I read was… Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas Hoffstaedter.

The last message on my phone says… “Be careful and have fun, Sir.”

Pain or pleasure? Pleasure, definitely pleasure!

You can follow Mike on Twitter @MikeMakai and get yourself a copy of his fabulous book here!

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