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Back to Chat The BDSM Contract

contract3It’s not uncommon in a D/s relationship to draft a contract in which both the Dominant/submissive/Switch declare their intentions/preferences with each other. These are not required, of course, and some people will proclaim the invalidity of these documents to anyone who will listen. It’s very much a personal choice and I feel that the creation of a contract can have some very useful and valuable importance to a growing D/s relationship.

 

What are D/s contracts?

A contract is a document written up by one or both parties entering a BDSM relationship. This contract specifies the responsibilities of the people involved. It is not a standard operating procedures document and should not list all of the rules and regulations you are to be given. The important new behaviors can be listed, such as how each person should be addressed and basic behavior required of each party.
A contract has a set start and ending date. This can be a short term agreement such as for a weekend or it can be a renewable contract on an agreed upon date or annually. D/s contracts can also be permanent in nature. I personally prefer renewable contracts, as people and tastes may change over a significant amount of time.

Can we put anything we want in them?

The contract is not for every small measure of control in the relationship. It is a declaration of the commitment you both wish to have and basic means for expressing certain term changes, violations in the contract and means for punishment/dismissal. If you feel you need to write up a long list of rules at the get go, don’t. Submission is a learning process and handing someone a book and saying memorize it by tomorrow just isn’t going to happen. For this reason, the rules and structure of the relationship should be in a different, living document.

I strongly suggest D/s contracts be drafted for each relationship. Using a default one is nice to start, but you will encounter areas that you want to customize for the relationship each time you sign the contract. Use other people’s contracts as an example, but just like your relationship; it’s different so only use it for inspiration.

Are they legally binding?

D/s relationship contracts are not legally binding. They have no validity in court and you can not use them for disputes after a relationship ends. Contracts of this nature are more about intensifying your experience and strengthening your bond. It’s the emotional and physical commitment established by the people signing it. They are morally binding. This makes it very special to the people involved.

Why should I consider the use of a contract?

You should consider the use of a contract if you are in a temporary situation and are taking a collar for a short duration. This provides an element of dedication to the experience you wish to enjoy and also lays down a foundation for how the term will play out. It’s a good way of communicating expectations.

Contracts also give a sense of importance to the relationship. You may feel a stronger need to work hard at problems as they arise because you have a contract. As a submissive, you may also feel more committed to achieving everything laid out so that your contract may be renewed.
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How do I draft a contract?

Since D/s contracts are not legally binding they can take on any form that you want them to be. They can be laid out like a business contract or they can be hand-written forms that are signed. It depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for on what kind will work best for you.

Start out by making a list of all the things you think are important to have in the contract. Then go through the list and decide which ones belong in the rules list instead. Rules that could potentially evolve or diminish are good for the rules list.

Then have your partner look at your list and work together to add or subtract items as necessary. Once you have an agreed list, write it up in full sentences. Decide on how long the contract should remain in effect and how a renewal is to take place; whether that be an amendment to this contract or a new drafted contract. Add a declaration at the top. Something like the following is basic and works in any situation.

We, the undersigned, declare to abide by the following items below with full commitment and awareness of our role in these items during the term this contract is in effect from [start date] to [end date].

Then make a space so that you can sign and date it. Then actually sign and date it.

What do I do if my partner breaks the contract?

How did you decide to handle violations in the contract? If you didn’t define how things were going to be resolved then it’s dependent upon you to decide what to do. The contract should have a stipulation about what to do with a violation of the contract. This can be from a re-evaluation up to a termination of the contract. It’s completely up to you. Since it’s not legally binding, the people involved are the only ones responsible for carrying this out.

Where can I find examples of a D/s contract?

If you are interested in seeing what other people have come up with for their D/s contracts, you can usually find some interesting variations. Here’s a few examples:

WizDomme Temporary Contract

Contract Example for Switchable Couples

Example D/s Contracts

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