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Fifty Shades of Misconception

fiftyshadesreview Fifty Shades of Misconception: Miss Demeanour’s Honest and Candid Review of Fifty Shades of Grey…

*WARNING SPOILERS*

As an avid reader and something of a kinky bitch, I love BDSM themed erotica and have done for many years. So when Fifty Shades of Grey was released and suddenly all my straight laced, vanilla friends were loving it, I thought ‘Wow, this has got to be a good thing right?’ I don’t know about anyone else, but I was bitterly disappointed.

I know, I know, that’s borederline blasphemous to all you Fifty Shades fans, but I can’t help feeling bemused by the phenomenon it’s become.

I’m no literary genius by any standard, so I wouldn’t even attempt to pick at the author’s storytelling ability and/or grammar skills that she’s often come under fire for. For me it was the BDSM aspect that just felt all wrong. Of course, D/s is a very personal and individual thing and everyone’s interpretation of BDSM is different. It was never going to please everyone, but it’s popularity among women all over the world spoke volumes to me.

Inner submissives were crying out for their very own Mr Grey on every continent so of course I had to see what it was all about. After forcing my way through the first book, I consoled myself with the fact that the film HAD to be better, right?! Hmmmm…well it was, to a degree.

It was better in the sense that I didn’t have to read that god forsaken contract 20 times over and I was somewhat impressed by a few of the sexy scenes. There’s no full frontal nudity of course, but you do get to see some bush and quite a few fully nude shots from behind. fiftyshadesreview2

There’s some light cropping, flogging, bondage, suspension and blindfolding that were tastefully shot. If you can tolerate all the drivel in between the mediocre kink then yes it’s worth going to see.

However if, like me, you are passionate about your BDSM lifestyle then I would avoid this film at all costs. If actor Jamie Dornan’s comments about the lifestyle weren’t bad enough, it’s obvious to me the man doesn’t possess a Dominant bone in his body, nor did he bother to commit himself to researching his role properly.

“I saw a dominant with one of his two submissives,” Dornan told Elle. “It was an fiftyshadesreview3interesting evening. Then going back to my wife and newborn baby afterwards … I had a long shower before touching either one of them.”

The BDSM lifestyle has long been shrouded in mystery to those outside of our world, people tend to mock or instantly dislike that which they do not understand. For me my initial excitement at the book and indeed the film bringing BDSM to the masses has been overshadowed by my frustration of it being misconceived, yet again, only this time on a global scale.

My frustration is shared by many I know, on Twitter alone trends like #50ShadesISAbuse are hard to ignore and to be honest the Fifty Shades empire has made that rod for it’s own back, by not taking this massive opportunity to EXPLAIN to people what it’s all about.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I was particularly uncomfortable with the constant implication in the book that Christian Grey is a Dominant due to abuse as a child. WHY?! Why do you have to have underlying issues to be a Dom? Why can’t it just be ok to get off on spanking folk?! Why is it so difficult to comprehend?!
fiftyshadesgliding
For me personally, the most disturbing part of the entire film? Gliding! Now that’s some twisted shit! Free falling through the damn sky, possibly hurtling to your death, give me a butt plug anyday of the week!

In all seriousness though, the moment when I wanted to scream in frustration and storm out of the cinema was when the beautiful, post orgasm glowing Miss Anastasia Steele (played by the beautiful Dakota Johnson) begs of her Dominant ‘Why do you enjoy it? Why do you want to punish me? Why do you want to hurt me?’

So many answers he could have given at the moment, a simple ‘because it makes my cock hard’ would have sufficed, but nooooo, on this GLOBAL stage he simply says… ‘because I’m 50 shades of fucked up.’ Yes you are Mr. Grey! Yes. You. Are.

But REAL, experienced Doms are not 50 Shades of fucked up, they are attentive, caring, knowledgeable and passionate about what they practice and if you ever come across a Dom who is any less than that then quite simply don’t give them the time of day.

That uncomfortable moment is followed by Anastasia asking her Dom to ‘give her the worst’, to show her, as a new submissive, what she could expect from her Dom at his darkest. He gives her 6 of his best, which she counts out along with him, at no point does she use either of her safe words, which have been thoroughly explained to her, she then flips out and carries on like she’s the victim of a random attack. She leaves in a fit of fury, again using the word ‘NO!’ instead of her safewords. No wonder it reads/views like a scene of abuse!

As a Switch I can offer an insight into both the role of a Dom and a sub.

In this instance as a Dominant I would not have ‘given my worst’. I am in control, I set the scene, it is not dictated to me by a submissive. If there are questions that need answering I will answer them, if a submissive needs further physical understanding I will give it, but not when the mood is cloaked in frustration, anger and petulance. I would also make VERY clear to any submissive who chose not to use their safe words, but then claimed after a scene that they were uncomfortable that it is imperative that trust goes both ways and I would be very unlikely to play with that submissive again.

As much as I am in tune with body language, breathing patterns, responses and such, the safe words are there for a very good reason and Dominants must be able to trust that their submissives will fiftyshadesreview4use them should they need to. For all our magical powers, we are not psychic, that is the whole point of informed consent, the very core of the BDSM community (See The Importance of Safe, Sane and Consensual).

As a submissive, I would run rings around the character of Mr.Grey. He shows loss of control repeatedly throughout the story and that would not instill the confidence in me to feel able to give my total submission. I don’t care if you can fly me around in a helicopter and buy me a new Mac Sir, if you can’t Dominate me with a single look because you are THAT ingrained in my very being, then I’m quite simply not interested.

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